It all seems to come down to daily practice. Whatever you practice every day you will get good at. If you practice telling yourself you are stupid, or ugly, or will never be good enough, you will be very good at living in shame. If you practice forgiveness, compassion, perspective, gratitude, and committment to small do-able steps toward what you want and who you want to be, you will get good at that. It's a simple concept, and doesn't have to be much more complicated in practice, but it's not easy.