I have a counselor who holds me sometimes, while sitting next to me on the couch in her office. I went into a child-like state while talking about some things and she noticed my voice changed. She thinks I have DID. Is it appropriate for her to let me lay on her shoulder/chest area? Her clothes are on and I really like it and it feels right at the time. I just don't know that I can stop it because it feels so good to have someone hold me. I am a 28 year old female and she is about 55 years old.
I'm so glad you asked this question! It's a really important question that comes up for a lot of people, and it's complicated. The easy answer is to say that any physical contact between therapist and client is confusing and potentially harmful to clients and could get her in trouble. But that doesn't mean it's not the right treatment for you--it could be. My biggest concern would be if you are a sexual assault/incest survivor, you may have lots of confusing messages inside about what touch means and what boundaries mean, etc., and that could leave you feeling scared, alone, ashamed, unable to talk to your therapist about your feelings, threatened, unsafe, sexually stimulated, in love with her, needing to have her attention much more often--longing, and many more potential feelings. If you do have DID, you could have several or many different conflicting sets of feelings about it. I realize that might sound like I think any of those feelings are a bad thing--they are completely normal. You will probably feel all of the feelings I just listed anyway, though touch can make them much more intense. The key is whether or not you can talk to her about all those feelings, and whether or not the touch makes it much harder or impossible to talk about your feelings.
If you do have DID, my experience is that if done in a very skilled way, maternal-like physical comfort from your therapist with your young parts can be very valuable and even necessary. However, "very skilled" means you and she must be able to talk about all your feelings about the experience--from sexual feelings to baby feelings to scared, or whatever. She must also be very clear about the boundaries and while having compassion for sexual or longing feelings, never act in her own interests around them--only, truly in your interests (and those of all the kids, if you have them inside). She must be conscious of all her own feelings and never ever act in any sexual way. She must be able to flexibly respond to your needs as they change, which they could do from one second to the next. It is all very confusing and complicated, which is why most therapists retreat to the simple stance of no contact. It is quite possible, though, that if she can do all that, that she is giving you a gift that you need to heal. The book and movie "Sybil" shows this in action--dramatized, but generally accurate.
But here's what you have to do. You have to tell her all about your feelings about the contact. Tell her how wonderful and healing and confusing and scary and whatever else it is. If she can't listen and encourage you to talk about your feelings, and respond without judgement or defensiveness, or her own agenda, or acting anywhere outside the bounds of being a therapist, then she's not safe to do this with. I hope she is totally able to meet the needs inherent in such a complicated form of treatment!
Let us know what happens.
Warm Wishes, Cynthia
Last Edited by on Jun 03, 2009 9:59 PM
confused
Guest
Jun 04, 2009
2:14 PM
I have not been sexually abused at least not that I know of. I will have to gather the nerve to tell her about this but it will be really hard because I don't want it to stop. I think I am having in love kinda feelings for her. I fantasize about kissing her breasts and her holding me her when I masturbate.I can't even imagine saying that to her it is so embarrassing.
Oh, I know how hard it would be to say all that, and you probably don't need to tell her so much detail. Start with the least hard stuff, and tell her your feelings about how good what she's doing with you feels and how much you don't want it to end. When you work up to telling her you have sexual feelings about her, that's probably all you need to say. Many, many people in therapy have in love and sexual feelings about their therapist--it's perfectly normal, and an opportunity to heal some old wounds from childhood. But if it's not talked about openly, it can cause harm to you. If you don't say anything and she doesn't bring up how it feels to you to be having this physical contact, that is a red flag. As good as it feels now, is at least how bad it could feel if it evolves in ways that hurt you. Talking about it is therapy, just doing it is re-creating a past harmful situation, and you will feel that more and more if you and she don't talk about it. This is a time for finding all the courage you have and taking this leap.
"May the force be with you" Cynthia
Last Edited by on Jun 04, 2009 5:20 PM
