I'm a 34 year old mother/housewife and my husband told me that I have serious issues and I really need help, so today I was looking up information on Depression and I found your site. I took the “How Blue Are You?" test and my answer to all the questions was yes. I then looked at the “What Troubles You?" page and it was like looking at my entire life. For years I've felt strongly that something was wrong with me and I've tried to seek help, but I never stick with it and I don't know why. I want the help, I just can't seem to keep getting the help. I can't concentrate, I can't eat, can't sleep because my body doesn't seem to want to relax even when I'm sleeping, I forget things all the time, my emotions are so extreme, when I'm happy I'm extremely happy, when I'm sad I'm extremely sad and when I'm angry I'm extremely angry. I feel like a monster when these things happen because I can't control them. I don't know what to do or where to go for help or if I can even stay with help. Any suggestions you have at all? If you can help will you please help me? I need help but I just don't how to get it? I'm so confused.
Robin, Without meeting with you, I can't say anything for sure, but you certainly sound depressed, and it could be you're suffering from bi-polar disorder.
In any case, you should definitely see a therapist, and probably see a psychiatrist too, to get a medication evaluation. A good therapist would work with you right away on what keeps you from continuing in therapy, with the hope that you could work that through, and stay around for whatever else needs work. I generally recommend getting therapy from someone other than the psychiatrist, though it's good to get the referral to the psychiatrist from a therapist you think you can work with, because they may have a psychiatrist they are used to working with.
Good psychiatrists are hard to find, but they should be respectful of your view of yourself and what you need, while offering their expertise--you should feel in charge of what you decide to do about medication. Also, good psychiatrists take at least 1.5 hrs to diagnose and recommend treatment--never go by what a psychiatrist recommends if you have met with them for 20 mins--we are too complicated to be understood that fast, and prescribing is an art. Many, many of us need some kind of help to be who we want to be, act the way we want to, and feel the way we want to. Often when our will is not enough to make these happen, our brain chemistry is out of whack, and sometimes medication can change this so that we can be, and do what we want. Do you have a good way to find a therapist where you live?
Cynthia
Robin
Guest
May 24, 2005
12:12 AM
Cynthia,
I've had many bad experiences in this county I live in, but I did come across a therapist that I actually felt comfortable with. She's a psychologist actually and I'm going to try her once again. I've been fighting depression since my mother died in 1984 and it just seems to get harder and harder through the years. Even though it may not seem like it to others I've tried so hard to get help, but I just can't seem to stay with it. Any help you can offer would do a world of good. Thank you so much for replying to my email.
Let me know what happens with the psychologist; I hope you finally feel safe and helped there, so you can resolve your depression. If your prior experiences were with "therapists" who "want to prescribe me medication and then send me on my way," then you were dealing with psychiatrists (the only kind of therapists that can prescribe medication).
If so, don't judge psychotherapy by that, because that is not psychotherapy, and you will get a very different treatment from a social worker (LCSW) or counselor/therapist who is an MFT, which is what I am, or many psychologists. Best of luck with the psychologist.
Cynthia
Anonymous
Guest
May 24, 2005
12:15 AM
Cynthia, I looked at the card from the last person I was seeing and she too is an M.F.T. I left a message for her asking if I could see her again, but so far no calls back. I don't know what to do. I feel like it's just getting worse and I worry about my children, because I know it's not easy for them. It's getting to the point where I can't even drive because I can't concentrate anymore. My husband doesn't understand at all and I feel he doesn't even try to. He's part of the problem right now, but I know my problems go so much deeper. Some go so deep I feel like they'll never be fixed. I just don't know how to fix it. I'm so confused anymore. I'm always angry or sad and can't seem to function. I just feel so alone and I feel like I'm literally losing my mind anymore. I just want to feel better. That's all I want and I don't know how to do that anymore. Robin
Last Edited by Cynthia on May 24, 2005 12:16 AM
Robin
Guest
May 24, 2005
12:19 AM
Cynthia,
I've thought about killing myself, but it was years ago. I haven't thought about it lately, but sometimes I feel like I just want to give up and die so I'll have peace of mind. I hate feeling like this. I can see how much it's hurting my kids and husband and I really hate it. I've talked to my children about what I'm going through and told them that I need help and I need help getting it. The only thing I know of to do is keep reminding them how much I love them. But I know they're only children and there's a lot of things they don't understand about what I'm going through. I feel like most of the time all my good sense is gone. Thank you so much for helping me to understand depression more and helping me until I can get help. I feel so lost anymore.
It is not surprising that you see relief in death, and I am glad you are not actively planning to pursue death. Almost everyone who tries to kill themselves and isn't successful is glad they weren't successful. Also, parent suicide causes destruction to kids Lives through adulthood. You are very brave to be holding on and enduring this intense pain.
With your kids, it is good to validate their reality that there is something wrong, and to assure them it has nothing to do with anything they did. It's also important to tell them that you are going to do everything you can to get and make good use of treatment, and that many people have this illness and recover from it. You can also tell them that when you are irritable and snap at them it is usually the illness talking, and not because they deserve to be scolded.
You should also empathize with how hard this is for them, that it must be scary sometimes, and sad sometimes, and they must feel mad and frustrated sometimes about it too. Leave room for them to talk about their experience and just listen and let them know you understand, and ask if they have any questions. This is hard stuff, but what gives your kids the best chance to develop a depressive illness themselves.
Please still let me know when you've found a therapist you can work with.
Warmly,
Cynthia
brandy
Guest
Jun 22, 2005
10:20 PM
I am 28 years old with 3 children living in a small town in california.I am married for five years but my husband does construction and is away from home 200 days a year.i cant handle it any more i do every thing my self.i am having problems wanting to leave my house i just scream at my kids i am always streesd out. my husband has no support he thinks that all i do is spend money and be in a bad mood.i really need help knowing what is going on with my body i need advice.
I am a 47 year old married (22 years) mother of 2 teenage girls. I have so many stressful things going on in my life that I feel that I am depressed. I definitely can't sleep or eat, and I am unhappy and lonely all the time. I tried seeing a therapist but she really did not help at all. Some things stessing me out are: I just sold and bought a house that i am afraid I don't like, my oldest child is going to college, my younger daughter has had bouts of depression and tried to take an overdose of pills, and I have a foot injury that prevents me from exercising which I have done vigorously in the past. I feel like I should be very happy given my lifestlye and privilege, but I am sad all the time. I could use some advice. Help!
Wow--that is a tremendous amount of stress! I'm afraid I have to know more to guess at what you need. Why wasn't your therapy experience helpful? Is there anyone you can talk to about what you are thinking and feeling? Is your daughter getting help? Is your husband a support? Can you swim or get any kind of aerobic exercise? Have you ever been this depressed before? Do you think about killing yourself?
Any one of the stresses you're facing could cause depression, so what's going on with you is complicated. Tell me more, so I can offer some direction.
Cynthia, I keep trying to send you more info but it keeps getting deleted. In response to your response, I have never had therapy before. My husband is a doll, but he works hard to keep us comfortable and cannot relate. My daughter is getting help but I worry incessantly about it. I feel like if my husband is out of town and i have to be alone in the house, i will have to go to the hotel to stop from having a panic attack. Am I crazy? i feel like I want to end it all to stop these feelings of lonliness.
Zoloft is standard treatment for depression and anxiety. If you don't like how it makes you feel, please tell your doctor--there are other medications, and the dose may need to be adjusted. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Doctors who are not psychiatrists don't have nearly the training that psychiatrists do in prescribing these drugs. Also, it can take up to six weeks for Zoloft to start working--it doesn't sound like it's working for you--how long have you been taking it? Xanax taken occassionally as needed is also standard treatment for anxiety--often on a temporary basis until the anti-depressant starts working. Everybody responds uniquely to meds, so you have to work with your doctor until you get the relief you need, with tolerable or no side effects.
As for the lonliness, and feeling suicidal, there is so much more I would need to know to understand what you are struggling with. Generally, talking to a therapist helps with emotional pain; would you consider trying again to see one?
Cynthia
Last Edited by Guest on Jul 02, 2005 12:03 AM
Dear Cynthia, Thank you so much for your response. I have only started on Zoloft for a few days and the Xanax does seem to take the edge off things. I am trying another therapist next week but I'm wondering if I need to see a psychiatrist instead. The lonliness is overwhelming. I think I am blaming it all on the house and the move, but really we moved only 10 minutes away from our old neighborhood so we are still in the same community. Perhaps it is something else. I'm afraid if I see a psychiatrist that they will hospitalize me if I seem overly depressed and that would devastate my family, but I need to get away and I feel like running away desperately from this horrible situation. Maybe I should call your office. Do you know of any support groups in the area? Do my symptoms seem common to you or are they unusual? Please help...
You should probably find a therapist you can work with, and ask them for a referral to a psychiatrist--usually therapists prefer to work with psychiatrists they know, and also finding a good one without this kind of recommendation can be hard.
However, if you want to start with a psychiatrist, I highly recommend Richard Levine, who is in Berkeley--540-1746. He doesn't do therapy--only meds, so you'd have to find a therapist too.
It is difficult to get hospitalized these days, but if you feel scared that you are in danger of hurting or killing yourself, a hospital can feel like the safest place to be. Your family would be much more devastated by your being dead, than by your being hospitalized.
I haven't read anything unusual for depression in what you've written, but I still know very little about you. I understand that you are in unbearable pain, though, and I urge you to see a therapist as soon as possible, so you don't have to handle all this alone.
Cynthia
Last Edited by Cynthia on Jul 02, 2005 11:35 PM
Sad_seabee
Guest
Jul 19, 2005
1:55 PM
Dear Cynthia
I know that I have a bad case of Depression and I was wondering what do you think would be the best way to deal with it. But please read be for you answer. I feel like my life is falling apart and my energy level has droped alot, my eating habit has changed to where I only eat once a day, and another thing I am really worried about my soon to be fiance has just joined the ARMY national guard and she told me she was going to be going to Iraq for an 18month tour, and with me being in the NAVY seabees its going to be kind of hard to keep any kind of contact with here and I also dont want her to DIE over there that would just rip me apart inside and then I would just loose it! So Please Can You Help Me???
It sounds like something started your feeling depressed before you found out about your fiance, but to add such a big loss, and the threat of an even bigger loss to depression must feel completely overwhelming. Can you see a professional psychotherapist for an evaluation soon? I can't evaluate you accurately with e-mail, but you've said enough that I am concerned, and urge you to see a professional therapist. It may be all you need is someone to talk to, or you may need longer therapy, or possibly medication as well as therapy, but that's what seeing someone in person will tell you. Will you do this?
