Dear Cynthia... > Shattered
Shattered
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sumi
1 post
Jan 08, 2010
2:26 AM
Hi,
I think i realy need your help. I am going thrugh a bad phase. I was keeping realy unwel and even after many tests nothing could be daigonsed. I was consulting a normal physician and a psychatrist side by side.. later it was found that i was suffering from anxiety and depression. I cudnt believe, never thought i wud be suffering from sumthing like that. I was experiencing... emotional breakdowns, as in i was crying day in and day out, was trying evrythng possible but nthing was helpin.. wanted quit my job, was feelin low and evrthng seemed meaningless. I also had attacks which my doc told are panic attacks.. i am still under medication.. it has helped, have improved since past but i feel am goin back to the same phase again... i feel so sad... cant stop crying... experience extremes.. extremely low that want to end my life and so excited at times that i dnt knw hw to react.. dont know wat 2 do.. as am writting to u right now, am at office but cnt control my emotions.. deaths, natural disastors etc makes me cry n feel sad ... i even cry when i see people happy, together in a group.. am in a marriagable age... theres pressure from home to get married, as this is the right age.. i too sumtime feel that things might change... but then most of the times i feel its gonna be worse cause as am not happy i will not be able to make anybdy else happy.. i dont feel like workin.. want to leave my job n do wat i dont knw.. dance was passion for me at some stage in life, people thought i can leave anythng for dance and i wa good at it.. now i have put on weight nor does i feel have that much energy left in me,.. nor do i feel the same for it as i use to earlier.. am in a relationship with a married man for last 4 years.. i knw it will not work out. as in i will never get married to him.. as he is equally in love with both of us with me and his wife. he just had a baby girl few months back that tore me apart... i knew about his relationship.. but our relationship just developed with time.. we both are madly in love with each other,... i have tried keepin away from him thinkin it might help but that didnt help .. situation got even worse.. my health also suffered ... i still meet him.. had a bad time at my last work place.. didnt like working there at all... i dont knw.. wat all to tell u.. am shattered.. am goin to work.. eating, sleepin.. everythng.. but am not normal i knw... people say i have changed... i use to be chirpy, happy joyful now am sad, serious.. dnt enjoy anythng.. i go out thinkin it wil make me feel good but once am there i feel even more sad and emotional.. dont knw wat to do.. pls help.. have had self harm feeling before n it keep comin back.. havnt done anything.. just strong feeling of killing myself... u might want to knw more details abt me.. am 26 female, from india.. born n brought up in indian culture and its beliefs. pls help.. before i have no will to live at all.

Last Edited by on Jan 08, 2010 2:31 AM
Cynthia
262 posts
Jan 11, 2010
11:28 PM
Hi Sumi,

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! It sounds like you would benefit from a medication evaluation by a really good psychiatrist, and a therapist to talk with about all of this. Your medication doesn't seem to be working, and may even be making things worse. You life does not have to be this painful. Please get more help. If you are in the bay area, I may be able to refer you to a psychiatrist--it's important to get a good one, and they are hard to find. Please write back and let us know how you are doing. Are you in therapy, or are you willing to be?

Warmly,
Cynthia


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Email: CynthiaLubow@yahoo.com 

 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

 For 30 years, compassionately helping people build self-confidence and feel happier.

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