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Dear Cynthia... > Obsession over past love
Obsession over past love
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9 posts
Aug 31, 2009
1:40 PM
Met guy 4 years ago and spent one wkd together. Knew he was the one however we fell out because he let me down after I gave out to him for not ringing. I felt so bad over the years that I apologised, contacted his house, his parents and wrote letters to get him to respond to no avail until finally after one more time of writing he responded and asked what I wanted. I said that I wanted to apologise to put closure on whole affair. He said fine and thanked me for ringing. He text me to find out if I was single whicg I am and I asked him the same thing. He was single. He asked me if I wanted to have no strings attached fun with him and I said no. 3 days later I contacted him to say i had changed my mind but I genuinely had not, it was to have fun with game and that was it however he turned up at my house and started stripping in my hallway hoping we would have sex. I told him I was not interested and he dressed and walked. I was gobsmacked and shaken because I never expected it. He thinks I am the greatest tramp going and despises me, which I feel so ashamed about. I am so not the person he thinks I am but as they say actions speak louder than words. I had hoped this would put closure but it didn't do anything at all but make me regret party of ever meeting him and also for making such a mistake of letting him go all those years ago. How can I move on and really let go of this ghost which prevents me from forming other possible good relationships with men?
231 posts
Sep 01, 2009
1:27 AM
Have you let go any since that last incident, or are you still obsessing about him? It kind of sounds like you have given him the power to decide your worth. I wonder if on some level, you believe that 1) If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, you would be lovable. 2) If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, it means you are unlovable, and 3) If he just wants to have sex with you, it means you have no worth other than for sex. If this fits for you, it is essential you find a way to take that power away from him and return it to you and others in your life who genuinely see your worth and lovability. Does this make sense?


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 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

 For 30 years, compassionately helping people build self-confidence and feel happier.

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