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Dear Cynthia... > Different Relationship Points of View
Different Relationship Points of View
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1 post
Oct 28, 2012
9:15 PM
I am 18 and my boyfriend is 19, I have a plan to not get married til I'm 25. He is okay with that, but he's been thinking about engagement. Not necessarily right now but soon. He asked what I thought about it and I said that that I would be excited, but that I didn't know. I told him that it'd probably scare me because I don't think I'm ready to determine my future right now. And he waited awhile and then said, "It's just that I'm kinda ready to start a life right now, and you don't seem like you are. I mean not like a family or marriage or anything." So I'm wanting to know if it's bad for a relationship if I feel that way and he doesn't? I don't think I can decide my future right now.
302 posts
Oct 30, 2012
11:56 AM
It's healthy for you and the relationship when you respect what your inner wisdom is telling you. If you are not ready to decide your future (and few 18 or 19 year olds are, mostly because we live so long now, that you would be deciding for potentially another 60 or 70 years of life!) you have to honor your own truth. If he feels ready to commit for the rest of his life, then he can certainly commit for a few years until you are ready to decide about the rest of your life. If his timing is more important than being with you, then he's not committed enough to you to handle marriage and kids. It sounds like he is, though, so hopefully he'll be patient, and both of you will get what you need ultimately. Just don't let his pressure steer you off your course, as you know it deep inside you!

3 posts
Oct 31, 2012
8:59 PM
That makes sense. Thank you:)

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 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

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