I am a 35year old with two teenage daughters - for years I have suffered with this. I am totally confused, spend half my life worrying about my husband having already had, or planning to have an affair. I can't bear the idea that he could or has cheated on me. He doesn't go very far, tries to keep me happy and is supportive and kind. He is also unpredictable, enjoys a drink and impatient, our love life is also very ad-hoc. I am now quite obsessive and any small deviation in normal routine and I am completely freaked out. I have tried so many therapies, books, etc. I'm starting to lose hope. I have told him in the past but this has resulted in him being suspicous every time I ask him a simple question thus resulting in me being suspicious of his lack of response!
Wow, you have devoted so much of your life to this, and been cheated of so much life in the process! It would make such a difference in your life if you could be free of this.
In order develop a plan that might work for you, I need to know what hasn't worked for you and what you have learned about this torturous condition. Did you ever discover clues about where this all started? Was one of your parents very jealous? Did one of them have affairs or lie? Did one of your parents leave the family when you were young? Has something in your life left you feeling unlovable? Are you suspicious or fearful in any other area of your life? Tell me what you know about this issue.
Also, tell me what you think would happen to you if he did have an affair. Not just what you and he would do, but what would your thoughts and feelings be? What are you afraid of exactly, in detail?