Ricky made such sweet love to me today!  It's amazing--he so woman-like, so nurturing and gentle and tender and loving.  Sometimes it feels like having the mother I never had.  My Dad was affectionate and sweet, but not like a Mom, and not like Ricky.  I don't know, maybe I'm falling in love with him.  It's not intense like with women, but it's definitely a strong desire to be with him.  I have trouble with his body, though.  I always get surprised when I see his penis--I guess it's almost like I pretend he's a woman, but then I kind of wake up when there's this big ol hard-on thing happening--it's weird.  Does that mean I don't really want to be with a man--even Ricky?  Actually, I wish I could have the penis sometimes and he could have a vulva and breasts and soft curves, and then we could trade whenever.  Oh well, dream on.  Maybe I can get used to the way it is with more time, and deeper love?  I wonder if my therapist knows anything about this--knows anyone else who's confused like me, and what to tell me to do.  I feel pretty shy about asking her though.  What if she's straight and way into penises?  I don't want to offend her, or her husband, or whatever.  Besides I hate saying that work out loud--actually I'm even embarrassed to type it.  What a geek.  Oh, that's right, I'm not supposed to call myself names.  But I mean really....