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Anna's Blog > Dealing with Being Alone

8 Feb 2008

So I figured out that when I'm away from Ricky for awhile, I stop feeling irritated with him, and if I feel irritated with him and we separate, I feel relieved, and eventually I can be with him again without feeling irritated.  The problem is that when I'm not with him, I miss him, and I feel lonely and I can't stand the thought of his leaving when we're together.  So I don't ask him to leave, and I pressure him to stay if he wants to leave, because I don't want to feel so alone and sad like I do when he leaves.  But then I'm irritated with him.  My therapist says I have to separate from him when I feel irritated, or even sooner, if possible, and then find other ways to deal with feeling alone and abandoned, and sad besides getting comfort from him.  I just don't know if I can do it.  It sounds logical, but is it really possible??  She says this is key to alot of my problems--learning how to comfort myself without using someone or something outside me for comfort even when using the someone or something is hurting me somehow.  I guess that's what addiction is all about.  See I knew I was addicted to something somehow.  But it's not really Ricky, because it started before him.  I've been like addicted to person after person & other stuff like ice cream in between people.  But how the hell do I comfort myself without anything I know will comfort me?  Hey, I even use my therapist like that--I wonder if that's ok, or just another addiction?  This is very confusing and scary.  I have to ask her what normal looks like, so I know what I'm shooting for.



Email: CynthiaLubow@yahoo.com 

 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

 For 30+ years, compassionately helping people build self-confidence and feel happier.

 San Francisco East Bay Area Therapist

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