23 Jul 2007
Well, my therapist didn't tell me what to do, but she didn't have any judgements about what I'm doing either. She just guided me through saying what I think and feel, until I felt better, and it seemed clearer. I seriously thought she'd think I was totally whacked for getting involved with my ex-girlfriend's girlfriend while my ex is out on a long, scary drug binge. Janet is so sweet, though. I mean I really, really like her! I had no idea what a good thing Rochelle had when I just thought of her as the bitch R loved instead of me. She listens to me, and laughs at my jokes and doesn't criticize me. She's fun and funny and sexy. We like to ride bikes, see movies, go to farmer's markets, or just read side by side on my bed. I haven't been able to go to her house, because I am just too weirded out to be in Rochelle's and her house being her new girlfriend. I guess that's what I am. I'm afraid to ask her what she thinks is going on, because I think I'm starting to fall in love with her, and what if she just says, "oh yeah, this is fun, but you don't expect me to be serious about you, do you?" she's so beautiful. Sometimes when she gazes into my eyes, I feel like I'm having a whole body orgasm--I seriously feel like this electricity running through my whole body, like a huge rush! Even more when I touch her, or she touches me. I love the way she moves her body when she dances. She's a dancer, and sometimes she just dances around the bedroom with no music--it's like her body just wants to do that all the time, and she is so smooth and graceful--it's kinda like watching a ballerina. I can just imagine her as a little girl, taking all those ballet classes in her leotards and tights and tutu--she must have been so darn cute!! Penny likes her too--especially since she keeps me home more. Penny comes right up to her whenever she walks in the door, and she and I have to push each other out of the way trying to get to her. It's like she brings in the sun when she comes--everything lights up, including my heart.