4 Jul 2007
My therapist said an interesting thing yesterday. I was all geeky like I usually am at the beginning of the session, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. I was "attacking myself," as my therapist would say, for not having prepared a topic to talk about in therapy and feeling all shy and embarrassed. So she told me that sometimes the best therapy work happens when I don't have an agenda ahead of time, because I just start talking about whatever I'm thinking or feeling the most at the moment, and that's often what has the most charge. Also, doing it that way means I haven't had time to edit what I say, so it comes out in a rawer, purer form, that actually goes deeper than the prepared stuff sometimes. It sure is uncomfortable, though, not to be prepared.
Penny is trying to kill the shadow my crystal hanging in the window makes. She's so darn cute! So I'm going to the barbeque at the treatment center this afternoon. It's going to be weird for them to have a barbeque without beer. They've probably never done that before. Afterwards, Janet and I are going to an Al-Anon meeting. It's weird; it's almost like we're dating, but not. I don't know what to think about it. We have such a weird history, and Rochelle is still missing, maybe dead, and we both miss her terribly. So we go places together and have fun, but haven't kissed or anything like that.
I still don't know about the God stuff at Al-Anon, but I made an "altar" for Rochelle and sit there and look at it when I get a chance. I don't really know what for, but it is kind of comforting, I have to admit.