2 Apr 2007
Plern is takign me to a passover seder tomorrow. She's not very Jewish, but grew up celebrating the holidays at least, and she likes passover. I've never been to one, so I'm curious about it.
I still don't know what to think aobut Plern. She's really nice, and good to me, but I just don't feel really excited about her. I mean she's fun, but I don't feel like I'm going to fall in love with her. I don't know if I should just enjoy this while it lasts, and maybe it'll turn into some kind of love, or just be fun for awhile if it doesn't, or should I move on, looking for someone I'm like totally crazy about. I wonder if I'll ever be crazy about anyone again. After Rochelle, I just don't know if I'll ever love like that again. That didn't work out, so maybe it would jsut be better to have a girlfriend I could count on being there and being good to me--maybe that's what real love is. Maybe the crazy-about kind never lasts, isn't real, or only happens to a few really lucky people. Or maybe Rochelle was my one chance, and I blew it. Maybe it's pigish to expect to fall crazy-in-love twice in a life. God this is depressing.
We have so much fun in bed though. We never do exactly the same thing twice--it's really amazing. Plern is always full of great ideas. I never realized there were so many different things you could do! I really hate to give that up. How do I know if this is enough for a relationship, and something good I shouldn't throw away or if I'll regret it later when I'm single and lonely for like 15 yrs or somethign. She and Penny really like each other too--she's really good with Penny. Whenever she's here, she gives Penny a little wet cat food, which is too disgusting even to think about, so I dont' do it, but she does. She scoops it out and adds a little water to make "gravy" and Penny LOVES it! She buys her toys too, like little fuzzy, feathery things on the end of a wire so it bobs around and Penny goes crazy over it. It's totally hella cute! That kitty rocks my world!
I haven't heard from the barracuda in awhile. I wonder what she's plotting. It's kinda scary. I dont' know whether it's better to have a few more days of peace until she calls and like totally schools me, or is it better to call her, and maybe catch her before she's ready, to minimize the burn.
I have to ask my therapist what to do about Plern. I hope she knows. She seems to have a good answer for everything I've asked her so far. I just have no clue what to do, or even how to think about this.