12 Nov 2009
So she asked me to notice my achey longing feeling, and to close my eyes and see what image came with it. It was an image of her holding me in her lap. Then she asked what feeling I had when I thought of that image, and I cried and said I was sad. She asked where in my body I felt sad, and that was hard to answer. She told me to mentally notice each part of my body, and look for any sensations at all. I did that with my eyes closed and noticed a few. Mostly I noticed this tight feeling in my chest and throat. I also felt a little turned on, but I couldn't bear to tell her that, and I didn't want to feel that anyway. So then she asked what I believed about myself when I saw the image of being in her lap, and felt the sadness and the tightness in my chest and throat, I said, "I'm disgusting!" I felt a wave of sickness, and for a moment I thought I might throw up, but I didn't. Then she told me to see the image in my mind, notice he sadness and the tightness and the thought "I'm disgusting," and when I could notice all of them at the same time, she started tapping, and told me just to let my mind do whatever it will do with all of that and not to try to stop it or edit it or lead it in any direction. At first I just saw black, and got a headache. So she kept at it, and pretty soon, I was crying, then sobbing. I felt so utterly gross and disgusting I could hardly stand it! She tapped faster on me and while it seemed like hours later, I'm sure it was only a few seconds, I felt calmer. We had to end the session, but I actually felt better when I left. She told me to notice dreams and thoughts and feelings this week that might be related to what we did today. I'm still not sure it's not wacko, but it was too interesting to not try it again next time.