23 Jan 2009
So I went with him. I met his Dad, who was really nice to me, and acting all intellectual about this whole thing--well he's a doctor, so maybe it's an occupational hazzard, but he talked about Ricky's Mom like she was a favorite patient. We stayed in Ricky's old room from when he was a kid. His Mom kept it pretty much like he left it, which was weird, but kinda cute to see the little Ricky reflected in his room. I think he was kinda embarrassed, but he was funny--making his stuffed animals talk, and playing his ukelele.
Then we went to see his Mom, and she was really sweet. She didn't have much energy because they'd just done surgery on her. We had to wait a few days to be sure, but Ricky's Dad knew that it was bad--really bad. So we hung around the hospital all day, helping his Mom, letting her talk when she was up to it, answering her questions about current events, and me and my family and my life. We didn't tell her I was Ricky's girlfriend, but we didn't tell her I wasn't either, and let her assume. I felt like a little kid at first, and I had a terrible time answering her questions about my family, and my life--since my family sucks and I haven't really done anything with my life. But after awhile, I realized this was a really smart woman who normally read all the time, and couldn't read now, but still had that mind. So I offered to read to her, and she loved it. It gave me a chance to spend time with her, close to her, without having to show her what a total geek I am, who doesn't even know if I'm her son's girlfriend, or if I even want to be with a guy, who obsesses about her therapist, who makes very little money, who has an obnoxious mother and a passive, drunken, but sweet father, who eats ice cream instead of dealing, who is a big fat pig, who doesn't deserve her son's attention, much less love.... Wow--I guess I was storing all that up all week--trying to hide it. So she and I bonded, even though she doesn't know what a loser I am. I guess I can read, anyway. It was more than that, though; I felt such an affection for her--I don't know whether it was because of my affection for Ricky, or if it was because she was so vulnerable, or because she was sweet and in a hospital and I was reading to her, but my therapist pointed out that I am a person who can feel affection for people, and that's a good thing. Ok, now I have to go cry.