24 Apr 2008
Well the bad news is the barracuda called and I was spaced out enough to forget to not answer the phone. So she yelled at me for awhile because I haven't been taking her calls, with a few guilt trips thrown in, like about how worried she was that she couldn't sleep, and how much my Dad has been drinking because he was so worried...blah, blah, blah. That was really not what I needed right now. I feel so trapped. I can't bear talking to her, but I can't avoid her successfully either. She told me she wants to come out and go to therapy with me to help any way she can! I didn't know what to say to her. Is that a gift, or is it just wanting to take over my life? Or is it to show my therapist she's not as bad as I say she is? Or is it so she can tell the therapist what my problems are, in case I didn't tell her some of the yucky ones myself? How can she think she knows anything about me that would be useful to my therapist. Actually, I'm tempted to say yes just so my therapist can see first hand what a self-centered bitch she is. On the other hand, I don't want her energy in my therapy. It would be like bringing in a bad smell to my therapist's office that we couldn't get rid of.
My therapist saved the day, anyway. After we talked about it for awhile, she told me again--like she did with Rick--that she was my therapist and didn't want to meet anyone else in my life in my therapy sessions--she and these sessions were all for me! Bless her heart. As soon as she said it, I knew that was exactly right, and felt so relieved! I was scared to tell the barracuda, but it was alot easier than telling her I didn't want her to come--I just had to say my therapist doesn't do that. So she said she wanted to help, so she's sending Ricky and me to Maui for a week and a half! She's not even coming. I think she owes it to me anyway, after saying she was taking me there and then switching it last time. Wow--it feels a little like a gift from the Devil, but I could really use a break. I'll miss a week of class, and work, but I can make it up. We're leaving tomorrow!! It's Ricky's and my first vacation together, and it'll be so freakin romantic (as long as I can forget about who's paying for it).