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Anna's Blog > Lurching for a Hug

17 Apr 2008

What a freakin geek!  I was in therapy and crying and crying because everything just SUCKS ASS!!  I was talking about what a failure I am, and probably always will be (not to mention always was).  So I started really really wanting her to hold me, which just made me feel like more of a loser.  But at the end, we both stood up, and instead of bolting out the door, I just sort of lurched into her arms, and she caught me and held me!  I just stood there with her, blubbering on her shoulder.  She didn't say much, but I could feel her being sort of calm, but close--like she really knew how much I was losing it, and felt my pain, but could handle it.  It was weird--I never felt anything like that before.  I knew I had to leave because my time was up, so I took a deep breath and realized I actually felt a little better.  I stood back and she looked at me and smiled sweetly.  I had no idea what to say at that point and I knew it would be something totally geeky if I tried, so I just said, "thanks" and ran out the door--running into the doorframe with my hip, of course--Supergeek!  I don't know what this means.  Did I do a bad thing?  She didn't act like it, but will she punish me next session?  Will I ever be allowed to do it again?  I actually wish she'd just hold me for hours--I think the world would be a much better place if I could have that.



Email: CynthiaLubow@yahoo.com 

 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

 For 30+ years, compassionately helping people build self-confidence and feel happier.

 San Francisco East Bay Area Therapist

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