Are You A Perfectionist?
HINT: Perfectionists never think they're perfectionists
See how many of these are true for you:
1. I never finish everything I have to do, even though I work hard, and seem to spend much more time than everyone else trying to do things right and get things done.
2. I seem to get only enough done to avoid disaster, and sometimes not even that.
3. I fear that I will get caught not living up to people’s expectations and they will realize I am a fraud.
4. I keep thinking that if only I learned more, or worked harder, or were smarter, or did something differently, I could become competent and successful.
5. I tend to procrastinate on what I have to do until a deadline motivates me to work frantically. Then I tell myself I could have done a better job with more time.
6. If I have time, I can’t stop trying to make a project better and better until I run out of time.
7. I make promises to myself about changing my behavior, but I break as many as I make.
8. I think my work is probably average or a bit better, but average to me means failure. I can’t stand the thought of being average.
9. I frequently feel disappointed by my mate, family, friends, co-workers.
10. I’d rather work much harder than turn over something to someone else, because others can’t be trusted to do a good enough job.
11. I try to hide my inadequacies so people won’t see how I’m failing/a failure.
12. When I make mistakes I am often horrified, humiliated, and scared people will see my lack of worth.
13. I know how I’m supposed to organize, eat, exercise, sleep, work, parent, drive, communicate, dress, meditate, stretch, read, clean, get places on time, save/budget, cook, volunteer, protect myself/my family, correspond, keep track of my money, etc, but I still don’t do it, or don’t do it right.
14. I can’t be a perfectionist because I never do anything perfectly.
15. Sometimes I feel like I’m letting everyone down, and maybe they’d be better off without me.
16. I can’t stand other people who don’t do things right and ignore my attempts to get them to do it right.
17. When people compliment me, I don’t agree with them. I think either I fooled them, or their standards are low, or they’re lying.
If you answered “yes” to three or more of these, you may be suffering from perfectionism. Perfectionism can undermine people’s happiness, self-esteem, parenting, relationships, success, health, and ability to function effectively and efficiently. If you relate to any of this, write in the forum, and let’s share experiences and ideas about this slippery problem. Or if you want to work with me in therapy to overcome perfectionism, call or email me.
(510) 525-2341 WomensPsychotherapy@yahoo.com
Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT
For 25 years, compassionately helping women heal from depression,
destructive criticism, losses and traumas, while building self-acceptance and confidence.
San Francisco East Bay Area
