My original article from which Elka Karl took pieces for hers, "Choosing Families" (in answer to the question of "why are young people forming alternative families, and is it healthy?"  Written in the mid to late 1990's):

First of all, what I know best, is families formed by lesbians, but before I get to that, let me first say that since the 1960's, young people have felt much more freedom to disagree strongly with their parents, and move far away from them. I think this was a shift of cultural norms that may have pretty much existed across cultures and throughout history. In other words, until the 60's, people tended to stay near their families of origin physically, spiritually and psychologically. Because the whole world is so accessible to most of us now, and there is much more access to information, and to travel, separations from families have become very practical. Yet, it seems to be in human nature to gather into families, and communities, and so it is not surprising that people who leave their families of origin, form families of choice where ever they land. Young people who feel alienated from their families due to abuse, mistreatment, or intolerance of differences want to bring together a group of people who do not abuse them, but rather mirror, or accept them.

Lesbians (and other sexual minorities) are particularly likely to find themselves in the position of having to create a family of choice. First of all, there may be a disconnection between the person and their family of origin, due to the family's intolerance of the person's sexual orientation. Secondly, the institutions, rituals, and benefits of creating a family are not given to people of sexual minorities, so each piece of family has to be reinvented by each person. For example, heterosexuals generally expect to fall in love, get married, have an exclusive live-in relationship, have a word to describe one’s life partner, have children, and keep shared assets when one’s spouse dies. Since Lesbians are not given any of those conventions, each lesbian has to make a decision about and proactively pursue each of those conventions. This includes whether or not she wants an exclusive relationship; who she will live with (partner, ex-lover, roommates, alone...); to commit or not; to have children or not, and if so, how; whether to provide for each other in wills, medical powers of attorney, and so forth. Heterosexuals consider most of these questions too, but for them, the wheel has been invented, and handed to them; for lesbians, the wheel has to be reinvented and sought by each person. So "family" for lesbians can mean two moms, a biological and non-biological, and a sperm-doner father, and his partner. Or it can mean two women, their ex-lovers, their ex-lovers lovers, and some friends. Or it can be three women who are all lovers, or it can be two committed non-sexual partners, or nearly an infinite number of other possibilities.

Do I think alternative family structures are healthy? Of course no one can generalize about all groups of people, but I think the flexibility to create consciously a group of people who can love and support each other can absolutely be the healthiest kind of family. I say this in contrast to the 50's style of inflexible mores that isolated millions of women in their houses all day, and millions of children with their two parents the rest of the time. The inflexibility of prescribed gender roles, and barriers between families created a very unhealthy environment that bred abuse, hidden unhappiness, and all kinds of unhealthy secrets. Now that I've completely alienated "pro family" people (who are not pro family because they don't support the families that actually exist, just the ones they want to exist), let me add that I believe children need committed parents, and stability. But I see no reason that that commitment and stability can't be provided by a single parent, lesbian or gay parents, a community of parents, or whatever. No structure guarantees health; families are only as healthy as the individuals involved.