Hi, I am a student with no insurance, and little money. However, I am interested in seeing someone or other (maybe you can make a suggestion) because I feel as though I might be morbidly jealous.
For a number of years I have had relationships where I am constantly jealous and insecure. It overcomes me. I get furious and obsessed. I often prefer that my partner leave me instead of trying to manage this unmanageable emotion. I cannot control it. It eats me alive. I know it is ugly and negative, but it truly takes over me and I go some where else (to the dark side). When I feel jealous I am unable to communicate rationally, only anger comes out.
My feelings of jealousy only happen when I am present. Meaning, I never question my partners about their behavior when I am not around. I never interrogate them, ever. I don't stalk either. But, if a partner and I are together, and someone whom I perceive to be a threat because they posess some characteristic that I feel as though I lack comes into the room, I immideately slip into a state that I cannot correct. A shield comes up and my fangs come out. I ruin both frienships with friends and lovers over this phenomenon because I'd rather sever the "threat" than confront my insecurity.
Is this just a bad case of jealousy, or does it sound like morbid jealousy (or possibly something else)? Is it something I can work on through therapy, or do I need medications (psychotherapy)? What sort of professional should I seek? Who might be within my budget? Is hypnosis an option?
I would have to know more about the rest of how you handle your world and about your history to give you a confident response, but I'll tell you my guess. It sounds to me like you had a traumatic experience that involved something very similar to your being with someone you love and feel special to, when suddenly you no longer feel special, and feel rejected and abandoned. Could something like this have happened with your mother, father, sibling, or someone else when you were young and your personality was being formed? The fact that there are very specific circumstances that trigger these feelings suggests that it is a trauma getting triggered, rather than a more pervasive issue of jealousy or insecurity.
In any case, yes, I would highly recommend therapy, because you are suffering from this, and therapy is very likely to help you live without this suffering. If it is a trauma, especially if it is a trauma that is limited to a single event or is relatively separate from the rest of your experiences, EMDR could be very helpful, probably fairly quickly (I have written some on this site about EMDR, but I'm thinking of writing more--let me know if you have any questions after reading about it).
I don't know where you live, but generally the best way I know to get therapy (or probably any professional service--dentistry, accupuncture) at a low fee is by going to clinics attached to graduate schools or post-graduate training programs for therapists. Some of these therapists can be very green--new and inexperienced, and sometimes the therapy is good anyway, and sometimes it's not. But many of them have either life experience, therapy practice and training from before entering the school, or in prior years of study at this school, and provide really good treatment.
Warmly,
Cynthia
Last Edited by Cynthia on Jun 08, 2005 11:14 PM
Anonymous
Guest
Jun 10, 2005
1:33 PM
Thank you for your response. The troubling thing is that I cannot pin down one specific traumatic event (or even a myriad). I guess that is why people go to therapy, to uncover the mystery. All I can identify is what triggers my feelings in the moment, as well as how I typically respond to in these situations, but I don't know the source of my pain or feelings.
I was adopted, but that was at birth, so I have no recollection of that process. However, I am slightly paranoid, because my biological mother is an alcoholic schizophrenic. But, I've never had contact with her, and I don't know that that is the "root" so-to-speak. Hum...
Luckily, I have found a therapist. She is in training, but I figure this is a start. I will keep you posted. Thank you again!
