Me and my husband have been married for 4 months. We got pregnant 3 days after we got married and we have always been close. But I went on vacation for 14 days and when I came home I found out that he had cheated on me with at least 3 girls. He never left me after we fought, and things are back to normal now, but I know he's been calling phone chat lines and he loves to have phone sex. What should I do? Should I let him know that I know he calls them, or just play dumb. It's stressing me out and I know it's not good on the baby, but I don't want to lose our family. I feel like I trust him, but I'm constantly paraniod about what he's doing when I'm not around. Everytime he tells me he loves me more than I love him, I'm constantly thinking to myself 'how can that be when I'm not the one that cheated?’ I've got my mind set on not leaving him, I just want advice on what do do to make me not worry so much. Thanks. Jaime
You can't live forever keeping this a secret. You must talk to him about it, find out more, and get some counseling. It sounds like he may have a sex addiction, which can be treated. If so, his behavior may not mean anything about his feelings about you or the marriage. I hope that's what it is, because otherwise he is just willfully treating you with zero respect.
Can you get marriage counseling? Most people get to marriage counseling too late--don't make that mistake--get help soon. If he refuses to go, get counseling for yourself; sometimes just one person getting counseling can help the marriage.
Clearly he will ultimately have to change, though; his behavior will destroy the marriage if the two of you don't deal with it. If it is an addiction, it probably makes him feel guilt and shame and self-hate, which in itself makes him unavailable for love. If you leave it as it is, it will destroy your own self-respect. Do you know what I mean?
