Four years ago I was badly beaten and raped by several men. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years now. I have never been able to talk her about it. She had a very hard time dealing with it and just wants it to go away.
For some reason it seems to be getting worse not better. More and more I find having sex to be difficult. All of a sudden I feel like I really don't want to be touched. When she feels me tense up like this she gets upset and says I should feel safe with her. I really try to but I can't seem to control it.
I just want it to go away. How can I make myself forget about it and move on.
I'm so glad you reached out for help on this! This is the kind of thing that EMDR can be resolve quickly and completely, if you don't have a traumatic history. Even if you do, it may well resolve. When I say "resolve," I mean you would no longer be affected by the assault--it wouldn't affect your relationship, you sexual feelings, or anything else. You can read more about EMDR on my site (see EMDR FAQ) or go to EMDRinAction.com to watch videos and find an EMDR therapist, if you don't live near the East Bay Area, or want to see someone besides me.
You owe it to yourself to try EMDR asap, so you can go on living without this holding you back anymore.
Annie, I feel compelled to add my 2 cents worth. I have used EMDR to help me release the emotional reaction to memories of childhood trauma and I am absolutely amazed at how well it has worked. I have also learned to use it on my own in certain situations where an emotionally charged memory comes up at a less than optimal moment (like riding BART and suddenly starting to cry and not wanting to in public). Give it a try, and good luck!