I have been treated for clinical depresiion for over 10 years now. I've been on several different anti-depressants for 8 years. I go to therapy twice a month with an excellent counselor. I know when I am spiraling because the mornings become more painful. But even on the good days, I don't want to start the day. I have this huge guilt for not being a morning person. Afterall, aren't all the 'good' mothers and wives happy to start their day? I hate the morning. I don't want to talk or be startled or awakened. I was wondering if you know of a way to overcome this. I dread the morning and can easily stay in bed and in my room until I have to work in the afternoon. Is it possible that my personality is just sad and melancholy? I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but what if this is as good as it gets? Will my husband and family or I ever be able to accept me? I guess I am just tired of trying to fix me.
Last Edited by on Apr 30, 2010 1:45 AM
Gosh, it's really hard to tell from what you've said what's going on. These are some ideas though. 1. Could it be that you are tired in the morning? Some people have a biorhythm that makes them feel good in the evening/night and bad in the morning. 2. Do you feel very self-critical, or criticized by your husband? Is it not the day, but your family you can't bear to face? 3. Does it matter if you have something you are really looking forward to happening that morning? 4. Do you hate your job, and dread it all morning before you have to go?
Let me know if any of that resonates, so I can know more what might be helpful.
1. Yes that is possible. Is their a way to check biorhythms? I do suffer from insomnia some nights. I did a sleep study and I don't fall into a deep sleep without meds. I'm off of Ambien. I do suffer from SAD. I thought I would be feeling better by now. 2. Yes, he makes me feel bad when I don't get up and have coffee with him. Most mornings I do, some I just can't. 3. No 4. I love my job. Once I start I'm fine. I work from home.
I've started journaling my thoughts at the end of the day to see if that will help clear my head so I can go to sleep. I have active dreams, but not as bad as they were getting while taking Ambien. I want to get better. I read, try to check my negative thinking, refocus, and force myself to push through each day. The postings on your website are helpful.
Last Edited by on May 02, 2010 11:49 PM
I don't know of a test for biorhythms, and if you've already done a sleep study, and they didn't mention it, I think you just have to go by your experience. If you don't sleep soundly, though, you certainly could be tired in the morning. How about rather than try to make you accommodate your husband's schedule, you ask him to bring coffee to your bed and share it with him without getting up?
Some thoughts about fixing, though, if you aren't completely sick of it. It sounds like there could be something chemical going on. Have you tried an hour of walking or less running or other aerobic exercise? Have you tried Nordic Naturals fish oil? Or anti-depressants? How about bright light in the morning. Studies have found that darkness in the evening and bright light in the morning can shift people's biorhythm. Especially if you have a tendency toward SAD, this might help, if you haven't already tried it.
As for being hard on yourself, therapy can be helpful with that, and there is some self-help stuff you can do. It sounds like you have already done some of that, though. Sometimes EMDR can also help.
Yes I am on antidepressants. My doctor just added wellbutrin. This fall I did use BluLite therapy; I can't really say it helped. I'm actually surprised that my mood has not picked up yet this far into spring. We keep our coffee maker in our room. This has helped. I don't exercise and have not tried Fish Oil. Can I take that along with my antidepressants?
The hardest issue in our relationship is his lack of support and understanding about my condition. It does cause me to shut down at times.
I also signed up for a class on AMAC class. After reading one of your articles, I realized that may be the root of my powerlessness and lack of assertiveness. This journey to better mental health is long, uphill struggle.
Last Edited by on May 09, 2010 11:41 PM
It will be interesting to see what Wellbutrin does. It can be a wonderfully activating medication that makes getting up and doing things so much easier. Ask your prescribing doctor about fish oil, but I don't think it increases seratonin levels, so I don't think it's a problem. Studies have shown an hour of vigorous walking a day is as effective as antidepressants for depression and anxiety that comes with depression. So exercise is really important. It should be something fun--dance, or walk somewhere interesting or with someone you enjoy, or swim--whatever is fun for you.
AMAC is Adults Molested As Children. I attended the class today. I cried through most of it, but the therapist was excellent. I was afraid of how revisiting the past would affect me. I thought the areas I locked away were healed. I just put them up until I could handle them safely. The class is once a week. I believe this will be a good pace to journey through this challenge.
I started walking today with a friend. We are committed to Mon & Weds nights. Honestly, I hate exercising, but I hate feeling poorly more.
Congratulations on finding a way to get some exercise. If you could find a way to enjoy it, or find another form you do enjoy, that would increase the likelihood that you will be able to continue doing it.
It sounds like maybe you haven't resolved your childhood trauma, and resolving it could have a significant impact on your well-being. If you can find a really good EMDR practitioner (you could do this along with seeing your regular therapist), you would have a good chance of improving the quality of your life by resolving your tramatic experiences. Is that a possibility?
I'm just a later in the day/ night person. I was made to feel guilty about this for many years. Well it's just the way some people are. The tip that you like your work when to are on your time is a good sign. Everyone is not the same and it's OK to be a later rather than a early. I kick into gear at about 9PM. If you can work on your time try not to be guilt tripped. Many people think because the work is set up for right handed people that's what you should try and be but if you are a lefty it' OK. Everyone is not alike time wise or anything else. Try and give yourself permission to live on your time. It sure has made my life better.