Dear Cynthia... > How do i move on?
How do i move on?
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chally19
1 post
Apr 22, 2013
12:30 AM
Dear Cynthia,

My story seems very unusual...

I was dating a married man, we had plans of getting married but along the line my conscience pricked and I could not destroy an innocent woman and her family. I decided to end it but still remain very close with this man because my world was built around him. I got married and I urged him to give his marriage a go once again.

In that time he met a lady...one i was not too comfortable with because I knew his tendency to get stuck with her and threaten his marriage. We have had arguments over his relationship with this lady and even traveled with her without me knowing and guess what...we even work in the same office (the man and me).

I found out all he had done behind me and was hurt. Do not know why but i felt betrayed. Our relationship was just so strong and we shared everything..he helped with my marriage and i did to his.

I am devastated.
Cynthia
309 posts
Apr 22, 2013
9:31 PM
You have been able to handle much more than most people can! First you found the courage and maturity to break it off with him, because of your empathy for his wife and family. Then you were able to stay friends with him, and give your heart to another man. Most people would have given in to temptation to stay with him, and then to obsess about him, or hurt him once you weren't together. Finally, to have him not recommit to his wife, as you left him to do, but find someone else to get involved with, would devastate most people. You had something that felt so special, and the fact that he is having an affair with someone else now, must make your relationship seem less special. You are handling all of this amazingly well. Probably at this point, you need space from him, so if there's any way to do that, it would probably help your heart heal.
chally19
2 posts
Apr 23, 2013
3:10 AM
Thank you so much for your prompt response.

I have moved in and out of depression these past few days..over analyzing events we shared and things he said when i raised my suspicions..they were all lies and he says he did them to protect me. I feel used..and not that special.

I cannot even begin to imagine what his wife felt when she found out about me. I wish there was a way i could apologize to her and warn her about what is going on. I feel its all my fault because he says after me he cannot imagine himself alone.
Cynthia
310 posts
Apr 30, 2013
4:05 PM
This is NOT your fault. It sounds like your experience is that he lies and manipulates, and I believe that has reinforced your tendency to take responsibility for things that aren't yours to take. He is making his own choices to be with you, to cheat on his wife, to be a serial cheater, to lie to you...please try not to blame yourself for his actions. You clearly have a big heart and conscience and acted honorably, even though it was very difficult!


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Email: CynthiaLubow@yahoo.com 

 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

 For 30 years, compassionately helping people build self-confidence and feel happier.

 San Francisco East Bay Area Therapist

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