When I was only 13 years old I started a relationship with a man who was 27 years old at the time and it all ended bad because when i turned 15 I decided to move on and he did not take it very well. He started insulting me, hurting me emotionally and physically, and telling me that if a ever left or called the police on him he would come back to hurt me and the rest of my family. Now I am 20 years old with a son and a husband and feel I like I am not sure what i want I am always affraid of him coming back and that he tries to hurt my loved ones. I feel like I have no motivation because I am always thinking of when that day comes and know I even have dreams about him coming back after me what should I do? I know he was in jell for like three years or so, but I also know that he is out, but I don't know were. All of the frustation of thinking of has had me down emotionally for five years and I am not sure if the love of my son and husband are going to be enough to keep me going. What sould I do, I know I need help, but I don;t know were to get if from.
It's hard to tell how much of what is tormenting you is the result of being traumatized by this man (which likely could be relieved with some EMDR treatment) and how much is about your still not being safe from him. I know there is trauma, but that doesn't mean you may not also be in danger. If I were you, I would try to find out anything you can about where he is and whether or not he is likely to come after you. I would also call the local police and talk to a detective, preferably one with experience with domestic violence, and tell them the story and see what they think. I would also call some domestic violence shelters and/or local specialists in domestic violence and ask them about all this. You can't live in fear the rest of your life and live a full and happy life. You have to find a way to feel safe so you can move on and enjoy your husband, child, and life in general.
I can really relate to this person situation.I was in a DV relationship for two years, and he pretty much did the same thing and did carry out he treat by assaulted me really bad, and knocking four of my teeth out my mouth .That was eight years ago. I still have nightmares,triggers, and flashbacks. I did'nt leave my house for years. I been in therapy for five years it has help, but I still do not feel safe. I'm tired of feeling lost. I too need to get pass this so i can enjoy the rest of my life, but its really easier said then done. I need to find a job and it is really hard to even apply myself.He was never convected because he fled, and just a year ago I saw him at a distance and it seem to set me back to that day May 21 2001. Cynthia do you know of any support group in the Bay Area I think I can benefit from one.
I don't personally know of a support group, but here's a nice list of domestic violence resources below (from: http://www.jfcs.org/Services/Individuals_and_Couples/Individuals_and_Couples_Resource_Library/Individuals_and_Couples_Articles/Domestic_Violence_Resource_Guide.asp).
Hopefully they will lead you to a group. The symptoms of trauma you're experiencing, though, would probably be best addressed by EMDR, so you don't have the fears, the flashbacks, the nightmares or the triggers that are classic post traumatic stress symptoms.
Domestic Violence Resource Guide Police Phone Numbers Police Emergency 9-1-1 San Francisco Police Non-Emergency 553-0123 Mission Police Advocacy 558-5445
24 Hour Crisis Lines See also Battered Women?s Shelters below Woman INC 864-4722 Community United Against Violence Gay / Lesbian Domestic Violence 333-HELP S.F. Suicide Prevention 781-0500 (24 hr crisis line) S.F. Women Against Rape 647-7273 (24 hr crisis line) Provides: 24 hr crisis line, peer counseling, legal advocacy, sexual assault survivor group, and women?s aftercare program. S.F. Rape Treatment 821-3222 (24 hr crisis) under the Dept. of Public Health Provides: 24 hr crisis line, individual counseling, group counseling, legal advocacy (works with Witness Program & S.F. Women Against Rape), medical clinic (does medical examinations), and hospital advocacy. Does not provide: drop-in counseling, men or children groups. Cost: sliding scale fee for counseling
Battered Women?s Shelters San Francisco La Casa de les Madres 503-0500 Rosalie House 864-4777 Asian Women?s Shelter 751-0880 Teen Moms Shelter 821-3222
Bay Area Safe Place - Oakland 510-536-7233 Battered Women?s Alternatives - Contra Costa 1-888-215-5555 Marin Abused Women?s Services 924-6616 Support Network for Battered Women 1-800-572-2782 San Mateo Women?s Shelter - Center for Domestic Violence 650-321-8471 or 650-312-8515 (24 hr. hotline) SAVE - Fremont 510-540-5354 Women?s Refuge Inc. - North Oakland 510-547-4663
Other Services Innovative Housing 285-6888 Connecting Point 863-4663 Episcopal Sanctuary 863-3893 Night Ministry 986-1464 Raphael House 474-4621 Hamilton Family Center 665-2354
Legal Assistance San Francisco Neighborhood Legal Assistance Foundation 982-1300 Coop. Restraining Order Clinic 864-4722 Nihonmachi Legal Outreach 567-6255 Raphael House 474-4621 Hamilton Family Center 665-2354
Criminal Justice System Family Violence Project 552-7550 (in the District Attorney?s office) Provides: follow up on reported calls to the police about Domestic Violence, referrals to shelters, individual counseling, and support groups, courtroom advocacy, advice on court room procedures & restraining orders, drop-in counseling, programs for men,Same Sex Awareness & informational sessions,training sessions on Domestic Violence & the criminal justice system, and training sessions on Domestic Violence awareness. Cost: free. SFPD General Work 553-1141 Domestic Violence Response Unit 553-9225 S.F. District Attorney 553-1754 Victim Witness Assistance 553-9044 Office of Citizen?s Compliants - report police misconduct 553-1407
Counseling For women:(see also Battered Women?s Shelters) Woman INC 864-4722 Cameron House (Assistance in Asian Languages) 781-0401 Center For Special Problems 292-1500
For children: Child Crisis Services 695-5195 The Talk Line 441-KIDS CASARC 206-8386
For elderly: San Francisco Consortium for Elder Abuse Prevention 885-7850 Bayview Network for Elders 647-5353
For batterers: MANALIVE 552-1361 Center For Special Problems 292-1500
Other: Mental Health Information & Referral 981-4700 Women?s Alcoholism Center 285-4484 Family Violence Prevention Fund (this is a national organization) Provides: advocacy, educational programs on domestic violence, Health Resource Center, children?s program, training for CPS workers and health care providers. Does not provide men?s groups, counseling, or food emergency.
Gay / Lesbian Domestic Violence Resources Community United Against Violence 333-HELP Woman, INC 864-4722 Men Overcoming Violence 626-MOVE Center For Special Problems 292-1500 San Francisco Network for Battered Lesbian & Bisexual Women 281-0276
Bay Area Domestic Violence Resources Battered Women?s Services - San Mateo 312-8515 Provides: help with legal issues, crisis counseling (24 hr hotline), shelter, a Women?s group every Thursday night, Children?s Art Therapy group, long-term clinical counseling, a 24 Emergency Outreach Program where police go into the survivor?s home after a crisiscall has been made, anda Men?s Diversion program (court mandated). Cost: crisis counseling is free up to 5 session; and on-going counseling is based on sliding scale fee. Marin Abused Women?s Services 924-6616 Support Network for Battered Women 800-572-2782 Provides: 24 hr crisis line, drop-in counseling from 9-5 p.m., emergency food assistance, emergency transportation & childcare, referrals to emergency shelters and hotels, advocacy, legal assistance with restraining orders, general information & referral, on-going counseling, andcommunity outreach. Does not provide children or men?s programs. Cost: free & sliding scale. A Safe Place - Oakland 510-536-7233 (crisis line) 510-444-7289 (individual counseling) 510-636-4747 (business line) Provides: 24 hr crisis line, shelter, individual counseling, advocacy, a Latino program, legal assistance,a children?s program, andemergency food assistance at the shelter. Does not provide men?s groups. Cost: no fee. SAVE- Fremont 510-794-6055 (crisis line) Provides: 24 hr crisis line, 30 bed shelter, community support groups, transitional housing for women & their children, individual counseling, andemergency food at shelter. Does not offer men or children groups. Cost: sliding scale fee for individual counseling, and no fee for groups. Family Violence Law Center - Berkeley/Oakland 510-540-5354 (crisis # from 9-5 PM) 510-540-5370 (business line) Provides: support groups, childcare, advice and counsel on family law issues, training on court room presentations and filing for restraining orders, andservices for battered gay men.Spanish speaking staff is available. Serves northern Alameda county. Does not provide children or men groups. Cost: not sure. Domestic Violence Law Project Southern Alameda 510-733-2071 Marin Abused Women?s Services 924-6616 (crisis line for women) 924-3456 (crisis line for Spanish speaking women) 924-1070 (crisis line for men?s program) Provides: 24 hr crisis lines for women, Spanish speaking women, men?s groups, transitional housing program for women & their children, support groups, information & referrals, networks with legal Aid, program for transitional communities in Novato, COPS program to train police officers about Domestic Violence, shelter, services for gays and lesbians, teen crisis counseling, andchildren?s program at shelter. Cost: no fee. Shalom Bayit toll-free counseling line 866-SHALOM-7 Business line 510-451-8874 Bay Area Jewish Women Working to End Domestic Violence provides individual counseling and support groups for battered Jewish women
Other Couseling Woman, Inc 864-4722 Operation Concern 626-7000 Cameron House 781-0401 Center for Special Problems 272-1500 La Casa de las Madres Drop-in Center 777-1808 CUAV 333-HELP
Legal Counseling S.F. Neighborhood Legal Assistance Foundation 627-0240 Nichonmachi Legal Outreach 567-6255 Woman Inc. 864-4722
Criminal Justice Resources Family Violence Project 252-8900 Victim Witness 553-9044
Counseling For Violent Men Man Overcoming Violence, S.F. 626-MOVE Marin Abused Women?s Services Men?s Program - San Rafael 924-1070 Oakland Man?s Project 510-835-2433 Men?s Program - Contra Costa 510-676-2968 552-1361
Domestic Violence Emergency Resources La Casa De Las Madres Bilingual Services 777-1808 (Business) 333-1515 (24 Hour Crisis Line) 777-1808 (Drop-in Center)
Thank you Cynthia for the resources. I would really like to try EMDR, but I'm not working and I don't think medical will pay for the service. I really do need to look into that because I'm tired of feeling tired and do need help. I think it's great that you have this site so people can log on to ask question. I have so many question that I don't where to begin. I'm just looking to start my life where I can be happy and not sad all the time.
Yeah, there is a huge amount of need for low-fee/no-fee EMDR treatment. You could try calling some of the resources above and asking if they know of any clinics you could go to that offer EMDR. You could also try the EMDRIA website where you can search for therapists, and maybe you can find something affordable. If you do find a resource, please let me know because as I said, many people ask me. If you don't find anything, I do hope you look again when you're working or have enough money to try it! In the mean time, you can still get counseling for low or no fees at various clinics, and that could help too.
For 25 years, compassionately helping women heal from depression, and it's
destructive criticism, losses and traumas, while building self-acceptance and confidence.
