How do you start a confrontation about an issue that I could only assume is what happened (I found a note that referred to unbecoming behaviour by my young adult child while abroad), but I can't reveal I've read the note. It could have serious ramifications in my child's life.
Last Edited by Poinsetta on Jul 21, 2005 1:07 PM
I'm missing some important information in what you present, but generally, I would say the answer is "you don't." Your adult child has to make their own mistakes and learn from the consequences. As tempting as it is for all of us parents to want to protect our children from painful consequences, we sacrifice their long-term health, happiness, and growth when we interfere with their natural consequences to prevent short-term pain. This is true even for children, but even more so for adults (even if they still feel like our children).
In addition, you risk serious repercussions in your relationship with them, if you interfere further by telling them you have already interfered by learning what they don't want you to know. They will most likely be humiliated and angry, and that will ultimately reduce your effectiveness at times you could have helped them, and may cause you to lose that dear relationship, or at least some trust.
If I'm missing the boat, here, perhaps you'd like to tell me more about how you came to read the note, what the behaviors were, why you interpreted the note the way you did, what your fears are about not saying anything, why you don't trust your adult child to handle their own life, and whatever else I need to know to understand your dilemna.
Warmly,
Cynthia
Last Edited by Cynthia on Jul 23, 2005 7:25 AM
