6 Jun 2007
So my therapist is teaching me how to "set limits" with the barracuda rather than just avoid her. Avoiding her wasn't working too well, because I kept feeling more and more scared to go home. Every night when I get home, she tries to act nice, but you can tell it's totally phoney. Then pretty soon it devolves into telling me how selfish I am, and asking me what I'm doing while I'm gone, and telling me how much she's sacrificing to be here and how ungrateful I am.
Last night I guess I wasn't ready to "set limits," so it was the same as always. She showed me all the schools and job training opportunities she'd found for me, like I'm gonna say "oh thank, you, Mom--you've been so helpful! Now I know just what to do with my life so I don't waste another minute of it!" Not.
Then she told me she's not going to be around forever, and she's just concerned about my having a stable income, especially since, according to her, I'll probably never have a stable relationship to lean on, and I'm no good with money myself! I just never know what to say--my mind just like totally goes blank, and then I feel like ripping her head off, but can't do that, so I just totally space out. It frustrates her that I don't say anything, so she blasts me some more. Last night I finally just lay down on my bed and curled up and cried. So she just came over and sat on the bed and was quiet for a long time while I cried. I didn't want to be there, didn't want her to see me cry, but I couldn't do anything else. Finally, she got up and got ready for bed and went to sleep. This morning when I woke up, she wasn't here. She left a note saying she's got some shopping to do and will be back later. I am so going to therapy again this week--arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!