28 Feb 2007
So I went to see my therapist last night and told her all about my life being pointless and the barracuda and all. She asked me about the jobs I've had and what I liked and didn't like about them, and about what I would do if money wasn't an issue, adn what I would do if I knew I only had a yr or two to live. She really got to stuff I never talk about but hangs out deep in my heart somewhere. I guess that's what therapists are supposed to do. So I realized I really like helping people. Even scooping ice cream makes me happy because people get so happy when they get their favorite flavors scooped and put in a little cup for them. It's like I'm their Mom or something for a minute--It's like I'm nurturing them, and it always works, which of course it doesn't always with girlfriends. Attempts to nurture, I mean. Maybe I should have a kid, like Joanie and Melissa. I'm going to ask Plern if she would ever want kids.
Anyway, it got me thinking about what I could do that would mean more and make me more money. So I'm thinking maybe be a therapist--they get to do alot of nurturing and helping people, or maybe a nurse, or maybe a vet, or vet assistant. I have to think about it more, but I'm excited about the possibilities--it seems like I'm finally pointed in the right genreral direction, anyway.
My therapist and I talked about my Dad too. I told her how sweet he was to me when I was a kid. she pointed out that my Mom always acted like she didn't want me to be close to him. I never thought of it like that.
When he was around, I used to love to cuddle up with him and watch tv, even though he always smelled like alcohol, and he didn't talk much. But when he did, he usually said really sweet things to me, like how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. I loved seeing him in his mail carrier uniform--he was so handsome in it. I have alot of good memories of him. It's sad that he hardly ever calls me now. I'm sure it's because the barracuda doesn't let him. I hate the thought of him rotting away in his tv chair alone while she bustles around making resentful, disgusted noises he's supposed to hear, like she always did. I hope she's a little nicer to him when I'm not around.
Rochelle looked like shit today. I hope she's not using meth agian. She looked like she'd been totally tweeking for like ever. Maybe she just has the flu or something. I wonder if the bitch will leave her if she starts heavy-duty tweeking again.