Anna's Blog > Thankgiving with my Parents, and My Nightmare Again


1 Dec 2008

Well, it turns out the barracuda had no problem getting me a ticket at the last minute, or paying whatever they charged for it.  She didn't exactly ask, and I didn't feel like I could say no, after she'd already bought it.  Besides, I did want to see my Dad.  He never calls me, so I miss him when I don't visit.  Anyway, I didn't really have anywhere else to go for Thanksgiving.


It was so sad to see my Dad all broken up like that.  He was still sneaking his alcohol sometimes, but I think not as much as he usually can when he's more able-bodied.  Either that, or he wanted to stay a little more sober for me, while I was there.  But when he wasn't drinking, he was just quiet, and morose.  He's actually more fun when he's drinking.  I wished I could kidnap him and take him somewhere where people would love him, instead of being in the clutches of the barracuda.  It was weird--I never noticed this before, but she never leaves me alone with him.  When I think back, I don't think she ever has.  I guess she's jealous that I love him so much and can't stand her, so she doesn't want to leave us alone to plot to gang up on her or something.  I had that dream again about my Dad and me playing in the sandbox and she comes after me with a rolling pin and chases me and I'm terrified until I wake up.  I think now that it's about her being jealous of my relationship with him!  It seems obvious now; I don't know why I never got it before.  As usual, I woke up terrified and unable to move.  I hated waking up in my old bedroom in the barracuda's house after that dream!


Thanksgiving was really depressing.  My uncle and aunt came over and he and my Dad got really drunk and my aunt and the barracuda and I sat around feeling mortified as they made idiots of themselves.  I hate being on the barracuda's side against my Dad, but it was so disgusting to see them act like little kids--laughing hysterically over spilling stuff on the rug and farting and crap like that.  I don't know which was worse--my Dad acting so embarrassing, or the barracuda seething.  It was just like every other Thanksgiving we've ever had.  Makes me feel hopeless about ever having a happy life--if there even really is such a thing.  I had to eat lots of everything in sight.  Now I know why there's so much food at Thanksgiving--it's so people can stuff themselves to survive being with their families.

 

 

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 Cynthia W. Lubow, MFT

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